you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
