he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
