I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
