you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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