So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
