i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
