Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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