I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
