Too much gin, very little bucket
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
