so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
