she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Life is so much better after having sex.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
