just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
