I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
