hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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