More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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