hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
