i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
