I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
