rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How does one acquire holy water?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
