dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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