Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
