so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
