All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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