Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
