thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
