im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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