dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
