So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
