Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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