I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
