you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
