don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
