Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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