it wasn't lemon gatorade
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
