Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
