You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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