i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wish there were birth control emojis
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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