I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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