She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
