Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
