Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
