I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just tell him i said nine months
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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