i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
