I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
