I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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