I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
