I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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