Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
