one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
