I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
