I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
wow bdsm is so cute
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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