forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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