is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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