so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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