please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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