You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
