It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
