6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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