i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
