a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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