I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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