Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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