david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
