I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
