it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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