god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Who died my cat blue again?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
