I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
