You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
