WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
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There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
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you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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