Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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