the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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