i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
