I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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