dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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