well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
