One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize