We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize