Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
