We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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