just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
They have beer where we have blood.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
