And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
